Friday, March 20, 2009

ghost of a post

this is a fun survey I took a long time ago. Enjoy my attempt at humor
"the following events occur on Monday, December 31, 2007 11:49 PM
these events are in real time"- Jack Bauer
funny survey
Current mood:i want my battleship and taco
1. Did anyone see you kiss the last person you kissed?
yes. it was quite obvious (see previous post)
2. When you have a drink, do you stop if you're walking, to drink it?
heck no techno. im a robot, we dont needa stop fo nutin
3. Do you believe that if you want something bad enough you'll get it?
no! whatever dude who made the question! that just makes you way disgruntled when you dont get it!
4. Have you ever kissed someone in a vehicle?
5. Have you ever snuck out of your house?
everytime i leave it!... i am a splinter cell agent
6. Kill or Be killed?
7. Break someones heart or have your heart broken?
dude, heart breaks are jerks! and heart breaking just makes uuu a jerk so neitha. how about a peace treaty,
or a handle with care, this side up sticker
8. What did you do today?
pushed my outofgas car to the gas station... = adventure!
9. Do you like someone right this second?
OH! Spontaneuity! or howevs you spell it! uh, yeah for sure... oh wait, it just changed... AGAIN
10. Would you ever get a tattoo?
maybe of a picture of my skin... so then i would say, "yeah fo sho i got a tat... check it out, it matches my skin!"
11. What was the last thing you ate?
a ciproflaxine pill for my pneumonia
12. Are you a morning person or a night person?
night. nuff sed
14. Do you know anyone who has gotten an abortion?
your mom maybe
16. Do you like to spend time with people?
i like to earn and save time with interest, that way, later on, i can spend it all at once
17. Are you hungry?
are you cool? no
18. Are you a forgiving person?
my middle name is forgi...(robert) yeah i guess i am
19. When was the last time you did the dishes?
at my cousins house when there was a crusty noodle on my spoon (gross)
20. Are you talking to anyone while doing this?
chuck norris, and my sister
21. Do you want a relationship right now?
i want a battleship
22. What are you about to do?
answer this question. oh wait... done
23. Have you ever thought someone died, when they really didn't?
heck i thought i died once but then i was like "here i am". and i almost believed the media... Tupac lives!
24. If you had a power, what would it be?
to control gravity. that would be tight
25. Your name plus ness?
26. Feelings at the moment?
gruntled and cheerful (i want my battleship!)
27. Done anything you regret so far in life?
i was just chewing on my arm skin, and i pulled those itty bitty hairs out... OUCH
29. Where are you right now?
everywhere... look around
31. What are you scared of?
im afraid of... hmm... Definitely zombie/undead thingies (= not cool dude) ((unless i have a cricket bat))(((or an assault rifle)))((((and a water bottle for thirst))))
32. Who was your first love?
soft serve ice-cream machine at cross country camp
33. Last movie you watched?
Ben Hur...(33.5 last time you'll ever watch it? yes)
34. Last song you sang out loud?
"im a little teapot"
we had an awesome dance party with it on friday night
35. Are you thinking of someone right now?
36. Who is the last person you talked to on the phone?
K dub
(kathy west)
37. Last thing you downloaded on your computer?
Bet on it - zac efron(troy) - high school musical 2 soundtrack
38. Have you changed much this year?
yeah fresh set of clothes every day
42. Where was the last place you went besides where you are?
stupid gas station after i ran outta gas
43. Has anyone ever said you looked like a celeb?
lucas grebeel
44. Do you speak any other language?
thank you telemundo 22!
45. Do you dress for style or comfort?
46. Name someone with the same b-day as you?
CHEL - C (boat) rYder
47. Ever had a drunken night in Mexico?
in one of my dreams i went to mexico to get a taco... but thats about it...
it was a pretty cool place
48. What's the craziest thing you've done?
one time i painted myself black in canada and ran amuck through the town...
never stopped... then got WAY, i mean WAY sick
im talkin blowing chunks allll over the family reunion and hotel suite
50. What is your favorite Michael Jackson song?
beat it
51. What are you looking forward to this summer?
road trip to mexico to get my taco!
52. Last time you smiled?
i rarely dont smile
53. If you could choose any career what would you do?
professional sock wearer
socks are comfy
edited for content! :) - not really

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

"I kissed a girl....... then bled on her face"

so... here are some lyrics to a fun fun FUN song i wrote...

I've got a story all about kissing and such,
so sit right down, and don't laugh too much...
who am I kidding, its a hilarious story.....
but hmmm................. maybe a tad gorey( here it goes)

one night, I picked up my girlfriend,
we went out and cruised around.
I took her to Starbucks, where she offered me something,
but I'm a good Mormon, so I turned it down!

oh here we go let me tell you this story,
all about romance and comical nights
filled with adventure, but mainly disgrace,
because after all, I bled on her face

she got her order and finished it quick.
I needed to be home soon, but she was so slick
I thought up some excuses to earn me some time,
think think think.... oh! I hit a possum!

oh here we go let me tell you this story,
all about romance and comical nights
filled with adventure, but mainly disgrace,
because after all, I bled on her face

later, in the parking lot, I wanted to kiss her
she was standing there, perfectly posed.
we moved towards each other, hidden in shadows....
we collided in mid-air, and she broke my nose.

(oh) here we go again, with this bloody story....

as you can see its kind of embarrassing.
because after all, I "bled on this girl"

we chuckled it off, and tried once again.
this time went better, but felt slobbery,
we saw i was bleeding and looked at each other
and then she said...

"you.... bled on me"

(bridge)this is a true story.... don't doubt my credibility
I mean, after all, it happened to me
you may not believe me, and say its far fetched....
but trust me................ I bled on that girl

FDR said, "it was a kiss that will live in infamy"
that guy from the Hindenburg said, "oh the humanity"
OJ says he didn't do it, but that's irrelevant
and on that night she said, "hey, you bled on me"


Friday, March 6, 2009

wind chimes and bad weather

have you ever noticed the great calming feeling of the wind as it rushes past your ears and through your hair? the constant coarse swish and flip of each hair as it shakes in the gusts? the soothing noise of the rippling air? the sweet pain of leaves and debris thrown into your eyes? Oh how amazing is every detail of the wind.

think of this situation:

you are walking home with friends and all are laughing and jesting (yes, "jesting").

all of your focus is on the talk occurring amongst the group

"alright see you guys later!"

-you bid farewell to your friends and press on by yourself. emphasis on yourself. it gets quiet. terribly quiet. your hair slowly stops jumping around as the wind dies down, but you notice that the wind has only seemed to have ceased around your immediate area.

"is this what being abducted by aliens is like? quiet and alone? noone watching? except for maybe that creeper, or that hillbilly in the woods....."

your thoughts plunge into what could be happening, then, (faintly)

"ding ding.... ding.... ding ding....."

you look around in an effort to discover the source of the eerie noise.... but to no avail. you continue home....

a rustle in the bushes; the wind slowly slides past you."ding..."

what was that?, you wonder what could be the cause of this phenomenon. is there really something there?

"ding ding you're all alone...."

run. run now! - you listen to your conscience and start sprinting

" you cant escape... ding ding....ding"

you are almost at your door, panting heavily. a gust of wind encircles you. fight as you may, there is no way to make it to the handle. the floor hurts as it abruptly catches you in its gentle concrete grasp. What is going on!? suddenly, your eyes catch hold of the monster.

"ding ding..... ding...."
the end (of you.)

seriously though, wind chimes are so scary.

Wednesday, March 4, 2009

"hey lets go run"

my mind, pressured with the onslaught of so many things, neared its explosion point.

9:30 pm - "I need to sleep.... not do java.... I wish I had some java... then I wouldnt sleep.... EVER... okay, just focus on the task at hand.... the book says I need to make a constructor that.... wait.... I need to make a constructor? Shouldn't a constructor make stuff for me? oh well, I have to start somewhere...

9:33 pm - "you wanna be starting something.... na na na na na nah na.... (michael jackson....)"

9:35 - 10:10 pm - brain silence....

10:11pm - "whoa... okay break time.... for the rest of the night.... "
"hey do you want to come play night games with a ton of people" says the phone...
- "that sounds fun... I'll go do that then go running..."

10:30 games occur.... dignities are dropped... prides are hurt... pants are grass stained...

11:30pm please come running with me, I asked my friends.."wow, I cant believe everyone and their mom and their mom's dog ditched me..."
12:00am... - hey will someone come with me? please? (no)
just go, you will be fine...
- "of course... cuz thats actually what I mean... do people really think I just want them to run with me for security? running together is way more fun... why do you think gazelles and fish do it? well... I suppose gazelles do it to survive... uh ....and fish dont really run. oh well fine, I'll just go with myself. Hey lets go run ryan... okay"

12:30 am dripping and unhappy... - "did I really just get waterballoon jumped? are you KIDDING ME?! what did I do to deserve that. UGGGHHH! .... (descent into rage)"

12:35am - "I want to throw a rock at something. (re-descent into rage)

12:36 am - "that rock throw was very satisfying.... ANOTHER!"
-36.5 am - " dang that was loud! run away faster!"

12:37am - "haha that was so funny! wait.... back to anger.... (grumble grumble)"

12:45 am - "wow... (intense sarcasm) I have such good friends..."

12:46 am - "WHO AM I KIDDING?! THAT WAS SO HILARIOUS!!! I have to tell people ..."

(red means it was actual dialouge...)


today's thought process,

- 12:25 pm... "Where am I going to sit? And why is EVERY table full?! Like REALLY?! There isn't a single open table? Anywhere? Did that baby just look at me? why did I look at that baby? forget it! where am I going to sit?"
- 12:27 pm... "Ok. REALLY?! I mean, I know they are girls and all, but I was cleaning off this table for Myself! If they had wanted to sit with me, that would have been fine, but no.... I think thats called table hijacking, or table-jacking, or food court terrorism... yep. terrorists... cool it man, you're losing it. they probably thought you were an employee... Do I look like an employee? do I have an apron, and a little hat thing? no! how about a name tag!? NOPE. Name tags = the most basic form of "authority," and I am not wearing one.... how could they mistake me for an employee? UGH! oh well...
- 12:30 pm... "now back to our war correspondent, RYAN RICHEY. Australian accent, thanks michelle, Im here in the cougareat standing on the frontlines of the war on terror. earlier today, a group of terrorists assaulted one of the regions off to my right. as you can see behind me the group is not ashamed of their actions. during the hostile take-over of the table, i had the chance to meet with one of the leaders. here is how it went down: - me 'oh, sorry.' - her 'wait, (cynically) did we steal your table?' I knew they had taken offense to my comments, and that a false move here could mean death. those AK-47s and laptops they had on the table looked menacing. -me 'oh no, its fine.' I walked out alive. luckily. everyday here, thousands of people come to eat peacefully, but are cruely forced to stand or...."
- 12:31 pm... "holy cow.... did I really just imagine that I was an action reporter? for a whole minute? and did the table I was "watching" get jacked? yup. dang. you know, i should make this into like a game or something, so it wouldn't be so boring. yeah thats it. it'll be like hide and seek, or like an african big game hunt!..."
- 12:35 pm... heavy Australian accent, "I've got to catch that RHINO. I've been here weeks, n' I'm Staaaaahvin.... There! look at 'im sit there, I bet 'ee doesn't ev'n know i'm erre!..."
- 12:35:14 pm... "AHH, again with the Australian accent! Stop imagining... I need to eat. NOW! okay, just.... look around for someone who might be done eating... wait... why isnt anybody eating? where is the EATING?! why is NOBODY EATING!? (panic) WHERE IS THE FOOD!? THE GARBAGE!? THE TRAY TABLES?! why does everyone have books and laptops out? arent those for home? or other places? I came to EAT at the FOOD COURT! it is NOT called the "cougar stand-and-watch-people-hog-tables-while-they-study"!
-12:36 pm... "fine. I'll just go eat in the library."

-this is my first blog, i thought it goes well with my plans for this new line of posts.